drifting away?

Today was my off day and I somehow just waste it away I suppose? Woke up and went out to eat alone then went down to my store to settle some admin stuff. Ya, I went down to my workplace even on my off day, I seriously think I am committing more and more time to my store already and this is really a bad sign, but then again...if I didnt go down to my store today, I really don't know whats my plan for today. Actually suppose to have a few plans for today, supposed to go food fair with one of my friend but I end up decided not to go with her, I also not sure why also.. Just suddenly don't feel like going and also I feel like seeing siew.. Therefore I decided to go down raffles find siew, I know she got no time to eat dinner together so I just hoping I can go down to accompany her taking transport back to NTU.

She used to tell me that she loved the times that we spent sitting trains and buses together traveling around, this allow us to communicate more then traveling by bike. Well...Of course things doesnt go accordingly as planned, I didn't expect she has already planned to go back NTU with her friend after her work and somemore I didn't inform her beforehand that I am going down to accompany, thus I don't have the rights to accompany her back to NTU. Oh well..actually I think about informing you beforehand girl, but I know that if I was to tell you beforehand, you sure ask me don't waste my time to come down and accompany you back. So with that kind of answer in mind, how can I bring myself to inform you beforehand? I just didn't expect you have already plans to go back NTU with your friend and I suppose that is already a weekly kind of thing.

Therefore I got no choice but to make my way back home alone and spent most of my night watching tv at home alone. I didn't bother to ask people play mahjong because I already promise siew that I will try to minimize on gambling, thus I am trying to cut down on mahjong also. Watching tv at home make me realize there are so many movies that I feel like watching, but then again...who can I ask to watch movies with me? For the past two year, I already so used to watching movies together with gf, even thou there are occasion that I still watch with friend, but watching movie with gf and watching it with friends is totally different kind of feeling. I think I will be really nuts if I end up really go watch movie alone... zzZZzz

Tomorrow is mooncake festival, comparing one year ago and now really many things has changed... One year ago our relationship was still so sweet, I still can remember us playing candles at a place near my hse, I think that time we still got play firecracker somemore and make the whole place damn smoky.. haha.. That was the very first time that I play candles with my loved one, I don't think I ever did it with any other girlfriend before. Once again, we gave our "first time" to one another! One year ago, maybe to others we are quite childish, but now when I think back it is totally sweet memories.. If I have the chance, I don't mind do it all over again with you not for 1 time or 2 time, but for many many years to come.

For the past few years, I realize September has always been a shit month for me, it always have to happen in the September. Maybe I should consider just sleep through the month of september and hope october will be a better month to come.. haiz..

Holiday with a heavy heart?

This blog post is my last post before I go for genting holiday trip with my mum and most likely this trip is going there with a heavy heart. I think the situations just got worse as days passes by and somehow I am shocked with the message that I received today.

The things that I type over here is not really a show of anger or frustations, to be honest it is more of like regrets that I am having now that led to our current situations, I regret for not treating you well enough in the past and build up a very strong foundation for our relationship before you entered uni. Every words that I type here hurts me more then hurting anyone, I am literally slapping or even stabbing myself with words when I type anything here. Yes I admit I am the person that have the thoughts of breaking up, but it is never easy for me to give up on this relationship because I seriously don't want this to happen. We all know where the problem in the relationship is, its just that you don't wish to admit to it and I don't like it to always put on a false front infront of you thinking that you still love me as much as before.

I am seriously shocked when you say my way of thinking is scaring you, is it really a wrong thing for me to think how I think when there are evidence and facts to show that you really don't love me so much anymore whereby I am actually loving you more and more? I am doing my part as a boyfriend yet my own girlfriend is telling me that I am scaring her? You know that I don't like it when a person lie to me and even worse will be I discovered the lies myself, its like you know slapping myself right in the face yet I can't do anything. But anyway its alright, I guess everything is my fault, I am just being a unreasonable boyfriend and too kaypoh for always worry too much for you. Maybe I shouldnt have fallen so deep into this relationship and give in so much to it that everything I do seems to be taken for granted already. Maybe its a wrong thing for me to vent my frustrations on facebook because I do not have any friends to have a heart to heart talk with? Everything is just my fault, let's just put blame on me ya.

I admit life will never be the same anymore since few days ago, you and me is already leading a different life now. To be frank, its more like I need you in my life then you need me in your life. There are thousand and one friends that is always there to console you or guys giving you tender loving care to pick yourself up when you are down, but for me I can only keep everything to myself because I can't even share this kind of things with my colleagues or even my family. It hurts, really...

Anyway I have no idea how this genting trip will turn out to be like with so many things happening before this trip. Furthermore my mom just told me yesterday night she have a bad feeling about this genting trip will have some bad things happened, she asked me to be extra careful. How nice this could be eh? oh well.. even my own body condition is going against me, has been vomiting for few days straight already, I think there is something wrong with my stomach also.. but oh well..who cares...

If you are still reading my blog, then maybe the only good news I can shared with you is that I managed to wash clean the red jacket with some chemicals and washing powder already. So you no need to feel bad or have the thoughts of buying another jacket anymore, you can save the money for some other important use already. And also I think maybe you should consider stop reading my blog and it might help you to lead a happier life and easier for you to get over me. I think the only purpose I still log into this blog is that this is the only place that I can express everything out with words or sometime pictures. Each day pass by make me miss you even more and think more of the past memories that we once shared together, memories of hugging you to sleep is something that I can only dream of it now. Truth hurts and life sucks when there is no love. FML

*recovering process*

Tonight is a good night?

Another day has come to an end, less then 2 days I will finish my 2nd period of my medicine study.. This mean that another 9days is going to pass soon and I wonder for the past 8days that I stay here, did I spent it fruitfully? Food for thoughts..

My mood been going up and down today, somehow I am still recovering from the "shock" that I received yesterday, it did required me to take some time to totally recovered from it. Of all the girlfriends that I had before, I must say seriously only a few leave deep impact in my heart. No doubt each girlfriends did leave some memories in me, but some seriously have craved a deep impact in me that everytime as and when I will start to think about it. I already got eunice and yuanshan leave a very deep impression in me, now I got one more to the list, chenyin.

I believe in every past relationships make me a stronger person in the next relationship and able to handle it better, apparently I still got a long long way to go.. I suppose I am more of a lover material then a boyfriend material, coz I never fail to upset all the girlfriend that I had before. Just like when chenyin say that I am worse than her ex boyfriend, Max. Even though she only mention it once in the sms during our quarrel, but that indeed hurt me alot during that time and untill now it still hurt me alittle. I always thought that I treat my girlfriend quite well, untill chenyin say I am worse than Max, it seriously make me reflect alot at that time. Knowing how her ex boyfriend used to treat or sometime even abuse her, I can't believe she actually think that I m worse than him, I guess this really show how bad of a boyfriend I am.

I often make alot of promises to my girlfriend, some I achieved it and some end up as empty promises.. Everytime when I think back I seriously think what chenyin said is probably correct, I always disappoint her and giving her empty promises etc, she came into my life at the lowest point, pull me up and provide me all the support that she could, yet I didnt fulfilled alot of my promises and give her so much unhappiness in the relationship. Everytime when I think back, it just make me feel so much guilty and feel like a total jerk.

Its too late to say anything now, I am still trying to get over you, really.. I don't know how and when will I start to get a good night sleep without regrets and disappointments.. haiz..

It still hurts afterall..

I thought today was a good day coz I win some money here in mahjong, but never did I expect my mood can change from sky high to rock bottom when I go back my room. I went back my room and log into facebook, when I see that you are attached, my heart just sank to the bottom. I had never expect you to get attached so soon, its like less then 2 months you already got a new bf le...

Even thou for the past one month plus I didnt ask you for patch up or what, but I just feel like slapping myself when I know that you are attached now. I guess the feeling of seeing a ex gf getting attached really suck big time, especially when it is like just happen so recent only. Everyday I log onto facebook, i never fail to check ur page to check that you are doing ok etc, and the last thing I hope to see is that you got a new bf.. Can say I am selfish/evil/mean or what, but I just praying that at least you won't get a new bf so soon, I don't know how to accept the news, really...

The feeling is really different now, my whole body is like feeling numb and I just feel like hiding in one corner calm myself down... I can't believe myself untill now, I still save your number in my hp as dear, it sound silly but ya... I guess people really move on as time passes by, too bad I am really a sucker that always get emotional over relationship that has already ended.

What do you want in a Bf/Gf?

I think today is relatively a reflection day and a bad day for me, was thinking how bad could it get? I vomitted after my lunch today, I sprain my ankle when I was on my way home from lunch and my eyes is having some infection or something.

Vomitted after eat bak chor mee for lunch today, the portion wasn't big at all but somehow I just feel like vomit everything out after the meal. Appetite affected? I do not know about it. Then while walking back home, I accidentally step into a drain and sprain my right ankle, yes thats right my already operated right ankle. Maybe because I was walking aimlessly that I do not realize the direction that I am heading towards. Eye infection needless to say, its because of the unhygiene practise I had, eye infection is already nothing new to me.

I spent the whole afternoon tidy up my room today since I do not know who to meet and where to go. Totally got no plans and no idea what I want for today. I guess my room now is pretty much ready for my brother's wedding next wednesday even though I simply just sweep up my room, keep plenty of things and throw away loads of trash only. I guess my room got alot of things until in the beginning I do not know where should I start with. Done alot of reflections today while tidying my room, still do not know why must we end up where we are now.

My family still doesnt know anything about us and my mum keep asking about you today, "like what time you coming for my brother's wedding", "never head out and meet your gf ar?" when I accompany her to eat dinner, she still ask me am I meeting you later. I don't know what to tell her other then saying you are busy today and I not sure what time you are coming for my brother wedding when I do not even know will I be seeing you at my brother's wedding.

Anyway done alot of reflections today and also receive different kind of response from different group of people which kee me thinking about it. What do people really want in a Bf/GF? Is it possible to make a relationship everlasting just by truly loving each other? How about other factors like personalities? interest? environment? peer influence? other commitment? It just keep me thinking...

*Receive your message when I was watching the 9pm channel 8 show, even though its one and only short message of the day, its enough to make me tears when I read the message. You make me reflect even more, the time when I went to your house and take care of you because you are sick, it is the one and only time I manage to step inside your house because no one is around. It is definitely a short but very memorable memories.

i m back, for good or for bad?!

Hello people! I am here to make a quick short update to my blog before I going for my B2B camp this week with NUS High and IJC. Hopefully this will be a fun fun week before I finally return back to my HELL ground again. :( Alot of things happen to me in the past few week or I should say I had kept myself damn packed for the past few weeks.

- Help Carolyn to do a 4D3N camp at Pulau Ubin. The beginning was quite bad and everyone was complaining about the camp, but luckily in the end everyone enjoyed and I bet it leave a ever lasting memories in their heart!

- Help Potato with his first camp of the year, it has been a long long time since I last work with this group of instructors. The feeling is great even thou there are some hiccups in the camp, hope potato has solve it by now.

- Do camp for Choa Chu Kang Sec 2, its the second time I am taking this school and I must say this school the student is really quite high by nature, last year and this year both equally high! I am glad to see that my class really bonded quite well together, they cried for each other during campfire because they know they going to be separate class the following year. I feel sad for them also but well...Life is this, only after separation and obstacles, people then will realize the importance of friendship and learn to cherish it.

- Still got camp for few other school like St Hilda's Pri and Nan Chiau Pri which I shall not go into details before my blog start to become boring...

Anyway, had a very big quarrel for with my gf for the past one week due to some reasons.. But thank god everything has been solved now and hopefully it will be peaceful from now onwards. Its hurtful and tiring to each other in this manner because it is spoiling our r/s, something that both of us do not want it to happen ya.. Oh ya, my gf lost her wallet ytd at yishun and we only realize it after a few hours! Went to make a police report for the lost wallet and I can tell you, I NOW FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHY MY FATHER DO NOT LIKE POLICE AT ALL!! The way they handle things is like so reluctantly and willing to do it, seriously don't understand why. Anyway, lucky my gf is lost her wallet at Northpoint Bata, the staff called her today and asked her to go collect her wallet.

Thats all I guess? Will update again when I m back from my B2B camp. Before I end this post, I just want to say its kinda sad that one by one everyone is leaving Camp HA. Andrew left last year, Jeremy tang and Eunice is going to leave like less then three weeks time? I can't imagine how Camp HA is going to survive when Jeremy and Eunice left the company, with the peak season coming up, can the company really cope with it? Sigh...

ALOHA! here is more and more photos.. hehe...

*alot of unglam photos btw..


Gay laugh?

a bloody hand!

Me and Keathwee

Me and my gf!!

My ear is injured.. -_-

erm...-_-

Me and krystle

Sec Sch friends..

Ta daah!!

I m finally back to blogging again! After procrastinate for like near two months and layers of dust forming on my blog, I decided to dedicate this post to all my loved ones, friends and anyone that has help me for the past two month especially for my chalet!

Had a blast for my birthday chalet last month, done many crazy things I should say.. hmm...initial planning stage of chalet was quite bad due to lack of communications and patience, then alot of problems start to surface, I even nearly wanted to cancel off the chalet. But well..eventually most of the problems of was solved at the chalet itself and everything went smoothly without much hiccups.. I will try to upload loads of photo taken at the chalet soon as I do not know what is wrong with my laptop, can't upload photos to blogger.. argh!

Add on to my birthday chalet, I and dear had a wonderful dinner buffet last month at Marina Square, a restaurant called Azabo Sabo I think? Not counting the usual steamboat meal, I think thats the first time I ate a normal buffet with dear and somemore its only two of us?! haha.. Really ate till damn bloated over there, the food is not too expensive and actually quite a good place to eat with a group of friends.. hmm..alright, I shall stop here at the moment, will update soon again with all the photos ya.. :)

SUPER TURN OFF TO BE BACK TO ARMY!!! -_-"

Hello people!!

Didnt blog for the past one to two weeks due to busy enjoying my "holiday" and also busy with camps, girlfriends and friends etc... Finally after a long 3 and half month of MC, I am going to return back to my camp for good, no more MC extension for my ankle already and this sound super bad!

These 3mth plus of "holidays" should be the highlight for me for this year I think? Beside recovery for my operated ankle, I manage to do a few camps, crash alot of campfire and even got myself a new girlfriend! I am really glad that I choose the operation date at a very suitable period, if not there won't be so many things that happen in my life for the past few months!

At this moment, the thought of going back to camp really very turn me off, considering the past few months I been leading a life of a normal guy and getting paid at the same time! Now have to go back to camp and back to my stupid mon-fri in camp and only out during the weekends... ZZzZz

I miss doing camps, SAC camp and Coral Sec was good, it give me the feeling and enjoyment that I get when I am actively doing camp last year before I enter NS. Considering I had stop doing a proper camp for like near a year? I was kinda surprised I still can keep my level of highness and enthusiaism when I am doing Coral Sec camp and SAC camp... *give ah huat a pat on the back, a job well done* haha..

Lastly, even thou today I gotta get my stuff prepared as its been sometime since I last book in, so I am quite afraid that I didnt bring important things back to camp. I spent my "last day" today with my girl, although never do anything much, just a normal lunch and a short stayover at my house for awhile before we head to wdl checkpoint Sheng Siong and then sent her home.

Dear: The past two weeks doesnt seems to be a very happy period for you due to too many differences between us I guess? Hope when I go back to camp, all the problems will go away slowly and you will be much happier then before.

Alright! thats about it I guess? Hope I can succeed in getting post out from my stupid unit and to somewhere that is much nearer to my house and able to stayout every day!

gonna be away for two days!

Woohoo!

I am not gonna be around to blog for the next two days because I will be busy for the next day with no internet access! Went back to camp today(Monday) to endorse my MC for another two weeks extension before I finally be good and return back to my unit. haha... So I guess in total I took 3month 2weeks MC after my ankle operation in February and I believe I had make use of the time as much as I can. Sunday went to play soccer with Renz and friend, but as I hasnt been exercizing for very long, I now suffering from the after effect of playing soccer like muscle ache etc.. Somemore I think I injure my ankle again when it hasnt really fully recovered, guess it gonna really take quite sometime for my ankle to heal completely for a person as active as me. LOL!

I realize alot of my friend is going Australia to study, especially those grad from RP, this make me ponder alot regarding about getting a degree. At the moment my plan is once I ORD, i planning to work for a year first to save some money then go SIM to further my studies. However, knowing my charcter I know that once I start working full-time for a period, I will be so not motivated to get back to studies again. This is why I do not whether I should try reserved a seat now at SIM or only start to plan two years later. hmm...

Dear: Thank you for accompany me all the way to town for PCB, then sit back bus all the way to Choa Chu Kang and then to my camp, I appreciate it alot alot. Sorry I never listen to you and end up injure myself during sunday soccer, but don't get too worried over my injuries ya coz your bf is strong and so gonna be alright! Take care for the next two days as I will not be around but I will try to call you at night and also reply to your msgs as much as I can ya. :)



Tekong photo, quite long ago

Old photo, hardwork of me, david, shi hui and amelia

Sorry

Aloha!
Lazy to blog for the past few days and here I am back to blogging again! For the past few days that I didn't, quite a number of things happen between me and my girl. On thurs, we had a slight quarrel over some small issue, I admit its partly my fault for being over-sensitive on that day I guess? Supposingly I am suppose to return back to my camp on the coming monday and I really hate the thoughts of it after being MC for 3month! The thoughts of returning back to camp, unable to book out everyday and limited time to spend with friends and girlfriend is seriously affecting my mood ever since Wed.

Then somehow on thurs everything like just snapped my mind! Being frustrated with my girlfriend for not replying to my sms without saying anything untill I call her at night when she told me forget to reply my sms, I become totally pissed and started a small quarrel with her that night. Sorry dear, I admit partly its really my fault for being so hot temper that day because my mood is really quite that period and also that incident is not the first time already, thats why I was so pissed that day, I hope you understand. Sorry to make you cried over it, I feel bad about it, really.

On friday night, Supposingly to be pleasant night with my girlfriend bringing her to eat the bai meehoon that we have been craving for quite sometime, but end up we didn't enjoy our dinner because we quarrel once again when we were at SSC talking on the topic of "clubbing". Alot of things was said, being pleasant or unpleasant to the ears which end up both of us hurting each other. This is something which both of us didn't want to and luckily we managed to solve it in the end even though it take quite some time.

Dear: I had told you before and I still going to say it again, the last thing that I ever want to see or do, is to see you cry and hurting you. This will not be what I want and I will try my best to achieve that, perhaps I didn't let you understand me very well before we got together and there is a big difference in the way we look at things. But I hope that no matter what, we can work together and solve our differences, the past two days of quarreling is really bad and both of us can feel it ourself, things will get better for us alright. :)

My style, my way!

Ring ring, ring ring!

K: Hello!! good morning, are you doing your report?
CY: hmm...erm...i fall back to sleep.. hehe

K: ermz... -_-" I stil thought you so good able to wake up ar
CY: I fall back to sleep after msging you just now.

K: okok, time to wake up!!! don't sleep anymore already.
CY: okok, I will wake up now...

K: hmm..hey dear, you know something?? Your house recently hired a delivery men! And the delivery men actually is waiting for you to collect breakfast at life area here.
CY: *stone for period* HUH! oh...you are at the lift?! I am still lying on my bed lol..

K: The delivery is here to deliver ai xin breakfast, specially delivered and waiting for you.
CY: okok, but erm...can i go brush teeth first? haha...

*thats the end of the short story, abit bo liao to others but well..as long as the person like can already, haha..


Last time in the past I always got friend talking about "never treat your boyfriend or girlfriend too good at the beginning of the relationship, this is to prevent your boyfriend or girlfriend taking you for granted in the long run during the relationship. Must learn to know when to give and when to take" But well...although sometime I do agree on that point alittle but somehow or rather I always didnt follow that theory among all my relationship in the past and present. When I am attached to someone I love, I think that it is right for me to treat that person as good as I can and treating her very well. What for having a girlfriend but need to hold back alittle in the way of treating her, thats is so not me. I believe in giving the best that I could to my girlfriend, always shower her with love and concern. Even though my temper might be bad at times, but I am a person that really can get over it easily especially when having quarrel with my girlfriend.

I guess I am finally going back to camp in less then a week time as I don't think my MC could be extend any further when I go back for my medical appt this Friday. Which mean that this is the final week that I could spent more time with my girlfriend and friends, doing whatever things that I always wanted to do. Its kinda sad because my girlfriend itself is very busy with her school stuff especially this week, my buddy is at work almost everyday due to stupid H1N1 virus, then the instructors side also never call me for outing anymore, everyone just simply got their own stuff to busy with and I am so bored with nothing to do at all. Since this is the final week that I can spent more time with my girl, I will definitely aim to try spending more time with her and make full use of all the remaining time I have.. :)

Happy one month!

Hello! Been lazy for the past few days and catching up on my dragonball GT on youtube, therefore didnt blog for few days... But never mind, i finally finish watching all the episode of dragonball GT and now is back to boredom at night again... :(

hmm...today 17th May is the one month anniversary of me and chenyin! Time really flies and unknowingly one month just passed like that! Been out the whole day with her since 12+ in the noon and we went to two area, Yishun and Tampiness. Went to eat Teppanyaki at Yishun for lunch since its been ages I last ate Teppanyaki and my dear girl don't know what is Teppanyaki. Come to think about it, there's a period I even ate that once every week and it carry on for one month I think? After that went to buy my contacts and off we go Tampiness! Initially plan was to catch the 2pm movie "ramen girl" over there, walk around after movie and have Ajisen ramen for dinner. But due to abit of delay here and there, we couldnt make it for 2pm movie, thus we end up spending the whole day walking around all 3 shopping center in Tampiness.

Things that we consume at tampiness alone includes
- takopaichi
- mr bean pancake and soya milk
- ajisen ramen
- soft shell crab
- crab croquette
- fried fish
- ice lemon tea
- ice yuanyang

I guess thats all for what we consume at Tampiness, its kinda loads of food and drinks I think? LoL....

After dinner decided to head back to nua at my house for awhile and I sent her home after that! Its kinda a pity that I forget to bring out camera today, if not can take loads of photo for memories. But well...never mind, there's always next time!

*Dear, The past one month you have been through quite a number of problems with me and see me through my happy and bad days for the past one month, its been sometime since I last had this feeling and I really enjoying every minute of your accompany. Sorry for making you feeling insecure at times, I don't really wish to see you always get so worried also. The foundation that we are building for the past month is definitely going very strong at the moment and I believe it will last me till very long. I can see the effort that you put into the relationship, I really appreciate alot. Must have more faith in yourself and me alright, we will work hand in hand together and keep building a strong foundation together. Hope you really enjoyed yourself today dear, I love you.

Trying!

Hello! Actually I suppose to be sleeping now, but somehow I been tossing around on the bed for the past 2 to 3hr and I still can't get to sleep!! I guess I really just have to find things to do to tire myself every night, if not really very hard to sleep early. Since I promise my girl that I am going to change my unhealthy lifestyle, I will definitely try to do it. Hopefully this won't take too long and please give me some time to change ok dear?

I finally got a proper working TV in my room now, courtesy of my second brother! My old tv in my room has been giving me problem ever since last few months back, it will auto shutdown while watching or can't even on at all! Many times when my friend was watching dvd in my room, the TV will not give me any face and just shut down suddenly! End up I become so pai seh infront my friend or girlfriend.. ZzzzZZ (-_-")

Met my girl yesterday to collect something from her and I seriously want to thank her for everything she done for me and everything that she help me with. Dear, thank you for willing to face the problems with me and helping me to solve it, its not gonna be a easy path for us for the next two year or so, I am glad that we will work hand in hand together to face it as a couple ya, thank you for everything. You are seriously the motivation in my life now in everything I do, because of you I will try my best to change and not disappoint you again. :)

*I am freaking hungry now! Got cravings for mee goreng with chicken wing and Sembawang Bai bee hoon... :(

Quit for good?

Today was pretty much a slacking day for me, when I wake up its like already 6pm?! I do wake up between interval during the daytime but by 6pm, I am finally awake and doing my stuff. My body biological clock is totally screw up and I think I only can blame myself for it I guess. Nothing much happen today, bought dinner for my parents and went for night run at 2-3am as usual.

Didnt get to meet up with my girl today as her lesson ended very late on every monday. The following weeks I guess we going to meet even lesser due to some reason, still trying to adapt to it thou. Clear abit of my debt today and yes I am now officially broke again, even thou I just took my pay like few days back, after clearing all my debts I am down to penniless again... -_-
Currently my life, other then spending time with my gf, I really don't have anything else to do anymore. With no money, there's nothing much I can do at the moment plus I can't find a proper temp job now, so if my gf never meet me I am just nua-ing everyday. I seriously miss doing camps, last year during this period I was happily doing camp week in week out, but now? haiz.. face with loads of debts everyday and being so stressout every single night. This is really heading nowhere and I don't know how long I can last taking all these stress.

I going to quit soccer gambling for good if everything able to settle nicely and swee swee. It has bring me enough trouble and really loads of trouble I must admit. Like what I told my gf, I am really going to quit gambling for good if I can really solve my current problem. I have let her down too many times and even I is feeling guilty now. Sorry dear.

A camp that I first cried for one of the activity

The first girl school camp that I did!

Terrible kids but wonderful accomodation.. :)

A camp with 500 kuku... -_-"

incredible me?

I am so amazed with myself! I can't believe I actually so 'on' until I walk home from Kranji Mrt station to Sembawang all alone, it took me a long freaking two hours to finally reach my house! By the time I reach back home, i already perspire like a dog and leg aching. Guess I am really turning old, just like what my gf been telling me. :(

I seriously miss riding my bike, having my own personal transport. I hate the feeling of catching the last train/bus, rushing here and there because I do not have my own personal transport! Its kinda a sucky feeling you know, somemore I been riding for like past 2-3 years? Catching last bus and mrt home everytime makes me feel so like secondary school days. haiz..but what can I do?

At the moment I am already down with so many debts. needless to say owning a bike at the moment, it will just add on to my current expenses and god knows how can I afford to have it. Went for Mojo birthday dinner on Saturday at Cathay Aston, follow by going over to Marina Square to find Andrew and cliques. Initially don't want to join neither group for dinner because thinking that eating with my gf somewhere will save money, after that zephyr told me Aston ain't too expensive afterall. After thinking for a while I decided to go for the dinner but well...guess what?! I spent nearly$30 on that meal ($23 on meal +$7 for present), end up spending unnecessary money again.. Zzzz



Candid shot -_-"

All the weirdos!

Cold Chilling Sunday

Weather has been really bad recently.. Rain, sunny, rain, sunny.. Guess my mood every weekend is just like the weather too ---> up, down, up, down.. My "project has been working on it ever since late September, till now so much still remain incomplete. The motivation for the project just come and go, somehow weird feeling but ya, hopefully it can be done before Christmas.

Many times when we contact friend that hasnt seen each other for long, we will always say something like catch up soon, maybe for a movie or for meal.. But when come to every weekend, the end results is always very big difference, I really wonder why...

This coming few weeks, weekend should be having the same kind of mentality I guess? Phy is having her, instructors are mostly busy with their respective stuff, mahjong also like not that interesting anymore. Am I able to take this for long?

Its been sometime since I last blog, wanted to post a new blog post before my operation but once again my laptop died on me, thus nowusing my brother's laptop to update my blog.

Just came back from my operation at NUH yesterday and yes! I am officially handicapped now.. Ah lam or ah huat can not longer run or walk normally for the next two to six month, haiz.. Till now I still do not know whether I make the correct decision of going for my operation at this period of time, being a burden to everyone around me, my friend, my family and my loved one.

When I was in hospital, I think about alot of things, people that really care for me and people that don't really give a shit about me. Alot of my friends will still at least sms, sent wishes all these before and after my operation, checking on how am I etc.. How bout you? I had stop msging you for one or so until last sunday I message you for inform you the dinner that I organized before my operation. Perhaps you are too attached to him that whatever things that happen to me now doesnt concern you at all. Is that what you mean by still able to remain as friend even after beak up? I believe if it was a outside friend of yours that is going for operation soon, you will at least sent some wishes to him or her for the operation.

Today Minsi come acc for the whole day, then Ren Xiaowei and Jer visited me today too. All of them bought me food and snacks, I feel so touched and really appreciate it. Perhaps like what everyone say, this is just a small operation for me as I am still alive and kicking, but simple operation like this can really make me feel who are the true friends, loved ones and people who really care about me. Thank you people. I will try my best to lead a new life, really trying.