slutty me!

 SMILE!

 Look so young!

 Looking like a funny! why huh?!

Aloha! I think I didn’t blog for yesterday, maybe my feel for blogging is starting to die down I think? But anyway! I shall just continue blogging till I really don’t feel like blogging anymore or maybe the time that I stop blogging for very long will be the time I have finally let go of everything and move on. I just got a new nickname, slut!


Spend more then 12hours at my store for both yesterday and today, both day I was late for work because I totally overslept, suppose to work at 7am but I woke up at 7am! Well done, good job and I should give myself a good pat on the back! Haha.. Anyway breakfast sales was damn crazy, I didn’t know exam period the breakfast rush of students can be so busy until I experience it this two days, the queue is like never ending and the customer are still being ever nasty as ever.. The only good thing is I can make myself as tired as possible and reached home can just bath and knockout totally!
As I was saying, I suppose to end work for both day at 4pm or latest should be only around 5+ 6pm, but somehow or rather I just slowly do my work in the store until I left store about 9pm or both day? Xueqi did come down to find me for dinner yesterday, as I already reject her for quite a few times and I think she has been waiting for me since she end school, I decided to meet her for dinner. Initially I thought she was only joking about dinner, end up she really ask me what time are we meeting. Dotz! -_- But well, I and her is completely nothing because I have really learned from my previous relationship, don’t give people wrong impression and anyhow jump into it. Thus, I m just treating her as a friend like a casual meet up and if there is nothing to hide, what’s wrong with telling that to everyone? Just for information, my feeling still stuck with you, nothing has changed even thou it is slowly drifting away and away and away…..


Exchange a lot of messages today with you, but none of the message seem to make our current situation any better. Many time when we message, I always have the slightest hope that we could be back like before but every time we will just talk to the extent that I am like erm…ok!, I just feel that I should give up on everything and stop contacting each other completely. I feel damn stupid and lousy everytime when you list out flaws of the relationship or maybe flaws about me. Yes I should be brave enough to face it, but did it really have to repeat over and over again? You get angry when I assume you already move on, you get pissed when I assume that you don’t have feelings for me any more, you get upset when I assume you never loved me right from the start. But dear Adeline, sometime I really wish you could feel what I am feeling too. More then one week has passed, up till now I still can say I love you, I still can dare to admit I love you. But do you dare to do that? You tell me about we should communicate with one another, but how can we communicate when you don’t tell me anything? Is it my fault for assuming you have moved on? Maybe I suck at understand you, but honestly I really can’t feel that you still have feelings for me. Its more like yes, you still care for me as a friend, but you also care for many other friends that you have, so isn’t it fair for me to assume that you have moved on and I being treated like any other normal friend that you have?

Sometime when I read your message now, I don’t know whether to reply or should I just remain silence. My heart is bleeding everyday and I am getting tired and more tired. I already know that nothing I do or say is going to bring us back like before, moreover you further confirm it by saying you don’t see a long term future with me. That’s like wow! Thanks for saying that girl! I didn’t know you actually have this kind of idea all along and maybe this is also why it contributes to the failure of our relationship? I don’t know, seriously.. Sometime I will just keep thinking about the time that we spent together and all the words that you said after we broke up, its like completely contradicting one another. So many things that I do not know about you and you was still telling me that I didn’t communicate enough with you? Ha! I am seriously which are the real you my dear Adeline.

You were saying I am not man enough to protect you, asking me am I afraid of pain etc. Well, I am afraid of pain but does that make me any much less manly? I can swear to you, if anyone was to harass you or bully you I will definitely stand out for you. I will protect you and pamper you like a little girl, but how often do we really have a chance to see such things? It might seem like just words but not action, but well…are you telling me that you really for such incident to happen so that I can show you my manly-ness? Hmm...

I think actually looking at our relationship on a outsider point of view, there is one thing that is kinda scary. In a relationship, its not the person that reveal true emotions during the relationship that is scary, it is the person that burst out everything after the relationship that is scary. There is so many “surprises” to the extent that you will never expect what is running through another person mind throughout the whole relationship, suddenly you will start to feel like the person is a total stranger to you because you completely don’t understand him/her even if you are hugging the person to sleep. Yes, I feel that I do not understand you and there are many things that I discovered after the relationship is indeed shocking to me. But regardless of what, I am not pissed or angry with you for whatever situation, perhaps its not even your fault at all. Maybe we are not fated together, maybe its just not the correct timing, but as far as I know now….I am not your cup of tea and I am still searching for my motivation to move on.





P.S: I still love you as I do before.