Be true to yourself

 Rainbow in relationship?

Another night of blogging on a HAPPY Saturday night! Work opening shift today, which means that I start work at 7am and by right should end work at 4pm or latest around 5pm? Actually today work is kinda stressful as today there is no additional managers, I ownself alone need to manage both shift and cash today from 7am to 4pm. This is totally a crazy idea because today is a Saturday and its only my 2nd weekend opening shift at this new store. Beside that, my boss and small boss will also be in store to verify my shift and use it to set a example be it good or bad for other managers to learn. Therefore, it is kinda pressurizing and end up I did not do very well for it. When my boss feedback to me after that, even thou it is positive feedback but I still feeling like shit because I think that there is some much better that I can achieve. And right now when I feel like shit, I got no one else that I can share with. No girlfriend and no friends, everything just feels so empty




Even though today is a Saturday, I did not have any program at all, surprisingly I did not even bother to go ask people out for mahjong. If I was to have programs and I am fast enough, I can actually leave my store at 5+pm, but end up I just took my own sweet time and finish my work around 8+. The thoughts of going home strike a fear in me, I am afraid of going home facing my four wall because I know I will start to think more and more which lead me to becoming emotional. Even after I end work, I don’t even know whether I want to go home or just wander around alone outside.



End up I decided to go home and spent my sat night alone, doing nothing but watching tv only. Am I leading a happy life now? Yes, I am so “Happy” now, so “Happy” that sat night I am at home watching tv alone. How fantastic is that?!?!



I remember you telling me that all your friends support the idea of you getting together with chia and totally encourage you to break up with me. I feel so disheartened upon hearing that, even thou I am in the wrong but did you ever tried to change your friend idea about me like telling them the nice things that I did for you etc? Maybe its really a unfair judgment because your friends do not really know much about me or maybe don’t even know much about our relationship. So allowing them to actually influence your thinking about me doesn’t seem to be fair to our relationship. You told me that we should be honest to ourselves and honest to people around us, I think maybe you should ask yourself also, are you really honest to me too? When you able to straight away start dating with chia right after you broke up with me, that really tells a lot of thing my dear girl. Its either all along you have a crush on chia and just waiting for something to happen between you two OR in the first place you actually don’t really love me at all. Your feelings changes too fast, really too fast until I am now thinking are you really serious about me when we are in the relationship or you are just waiting for a better candidate then me appear infront of you. As much as you may be disappointed about me and the relationship, if you was to love me a lot you wouldn’t start dating with another guy so soon, unless you are telling me that chia is a substitute only but I know definitely he is not.



So actually this relationship contain lots of obstacle, maybe its just that both of us put in full effort at different timing which led to the current situation. Or maybe it’s really just me; it’s always my fault for not being decisive to know what I want in a relationship. I want to dote on you, pampered you like my little princess, makings changes so that you will be more proud of me etc but well, I don’t even have the chance to do it anymore.



Hmm…at this current moment, I also don’t know what are my emotions supposed to be like. Probably happy? Yes! I am happy that I am spending my sat night alone, happy that when I am sad I got no one to share with other then myself. How great is that, I think I should just give myself a round of applause.