Sleepless night...Is there really a bastard in me?

This post is going to be rather dragging and non-related to people who are not close to me, skip it if you dont feel like reading it.

I just had a very big quarrel with my gf and the topic of the quarrel has carried on ever since last month, then yesterday again the issue was raised and once again we quarrel until quite badly, now I n her is already sorta "break up". Haiz.. Is this ending that I bring myself into? I really do not know.

Perhaps it is just me and my character, the way I was brought up and the journey that I walk through make me who I are today, which I do not know whether it has benefit me or done more harm to me. People who know me well enough will know that actually I am a very outgoing and open minded person, be it the way I do things or the way I treat people. Even though I am attached, I always tell people that the last thing I want a friend to do is to distance himself or herself away from me just because I am attached. So everytime even though I am attached I still appear as though I am single and be close to many people, and sometime this actually backfire badly. I will slowly fall into a trap when the person actually show more affection to me then my gf. But most of the time, I will wake up eventually before anything really happen and someone get super hurt. Ever since my secondary school life, I will always have people that label me as being a flirt, a fishermen or a player. All those names has followed me ever since I was sec 4, is it because I am really such a person? Or is just because other people is unable to accept the thinking that I had and do not understand me well enough.

To me, a gf will definitely be much more important then a friend because a gf is someone that is very important to me in my life. even though friends is also important to me but somehow it is just at a different level between gf and friends. Its okie if my friend do not understand me, but I feel hurt when my own gf do not understand me well enough and I think I always high expectation from my gf in terms of understanding me, thats why I seldom have a gf that really last for very long. However, be it the friend is close to me or not close to me at all, I do not like it when my gf scold and insult my friend infront of me, same thing like I do not like my friend insult or scold my gf infront of me. It is just my way of showing mutual respect for both parties, I believe many of you can understand how does it feel when you are stucked in between friends and bf/gf. It is a damn sucky feeling when you just want to be a peacemaker between the two parties. It happen before in many of my relationships that I can easily name a few, Eunice and Chu ling, Yuanshan and Cherrie, Chenyin and Ngo Laam. No matter how NEUTRAL I am, one of the party will always say that I am siding the other side and the other side will also say the same thing to me. So I end up sandwiched between two parties and seriously is it too much or too unreasonable of me when I ask one party to stop scolding another party infront of me? I don't care whether you going to scold another person or what, what I ask for is just please don't do it infront of me cause I really do not know how to react to it.

I always act as a counsellor to many of my friends or campers that have relationship problems, being a big brother/sister/daddy/mummy to many of them by offering advice, a shoulder for them to lean on and a listening ears for their problems. But when it come to myself, I always find myself facing alot of problems in my own relationship, unable to manage it well for a long period of time. Sometime I also do not know what I really look for in a relationship, is it because I just cant settle down? I think that I am not good enough for my gf? Or I haven't found a correct person that can convinced me that its really the time for me settle down now. There can be hundred and one reasons around, but I really do not know which is the best reason that best describe me.

Last year, I found a girl that I really wanted to settle down with, someone that I can building a future together with. But end up what I get is being hurt badly and pick up far too many learning points from that relationship. I had never ever gone so crazy for a relationship before in my life, and the first time I put in so much effort into a relationship is the one that hurt me the most. Its not easy to pick myself up from that failed relationship, I been through loads of shit to get over it, really. After that failed relationship, I become a reserved person and proceed to all the new relationships with caution, preparing myself for the worst that could happen. This might seem unfair to my gf, but I really got no choice but proceed with caution after being hurt so badly before.

As for my "current gf", I and her also been through quite alot of difficulties then got together. Alot of people think that I and her wont last long because our thinking is very different, way much different from one another. She was still attached when I know her at the beginning of the year and I was sorta "attached" too. Thinking back, I could really never thank her enough for walking through the tough journey with me when I was facing the biggest shit of my life in the beginning of the year. She trusted me again and again, willing to solve my problems with me and help me with alot of dificulties. Even though our character is very much different from one another, we still tried building on a relationship together. It is really not easy with the kind of friends we each have and the different environment that we grow up from. Initially everything was fine, sometime we will have little argument here and there but it was never too serious, until last month when everything go haywire. I do not know where is the relationship is heading to and right now alot of things is running through my mind, I guess I really need time to sort it out.

*CY: I just open and watch the video that I made for you for your 21st birthday, thinking back few months ago and looking at where we at now, its way too much difference isnt it? When is the last time we really share the joy we had like before, the smile that we used to see on each other face? The patience, tolerance and able to compromise for one another? It just feel so different now, really...

Photos from Xiaowei Chalet

Instructors Oei!

My buddy for 4years I think?

I miss doing camps with this group of guys, the memories is wonderful...

Why Andrew siam away from me eh? I look so friendly and cheerful lol..

*I think in that chalet ar, the most suay one is Cyril. Just nice when we about to go home already, our dear Xiaowei did a merlion on him when he make a turn after washing hand!! I think that must be the most memorable experience for Cyril in that chalet.. haha

Birthday

This is going to be a short update before I return back to camp later. Recently alot of my friends is having their birthday celebration in the month of November and December. So far I had went for one and also missed out one. I went for Xiaowei chalet that was held at Aranda country club, the last time I went there I think it was during my primary school days, that show how long the club has exist ar.. haha..

Xiao wei Chalet was quite fun, again saw alot of instructors that is from my batch and also the batch slightly later then me, I will always remember the memories that all of us shared doing camps together, all the minor and major issues that occured during different camps. It was quite a pity that I gotta rush off that night as I got a overnight mahjong session waiting for me and I seriously regret going for that mahjong session, I lost freaking lot again. I only can blamed myself for not decisive and strong minded enough to skip the mahjong session that day. Oh well..I guess partly also lately for the past few months, I had been on the losing streak for mahjong. Keep losing non-stop and even if win, the winnings is only peanuts to the amount that I lost, I guess I really to do something to have a change of luck, any one can help me?


*Samantha, sorry that I unable to attend your chalet. That day I break camp then really quite tired, thus unable to make it for your chalet. So sorry for it.

Overdue photos..

Sagi House Captain!

Cam-whoring


When Kumar Kumar meet Starwberry*


Do we look fierce enough? haha!

Back to school.....

One of the fav photos that I like from the IJC camp

Ah *hua* and Ah *niang*

Cam-whoring again..

When is the last time we ever see such mess at JBAC? I think if jody saw this, she will faint*

First time I get to eat hokkien mee as one of meal in camp! the picture cant show the hokkien mee but i think it taste quite good and special compared to the usual bento set we always had in camp.

Time for copycat again, the girl can really dance well by the way.. haha..

updates...

Somemore pics from the NUS high Camp, will upload all the photos for IJC camp at a later time, stay tuned!

Nobody looking at us.. :(

I look like i am flying.. sorta weird position...

I look damn gay in this photo I think?


Two color on my leg!

Copy cat time!!

Everyone is leaving, slowly...

Recently I got alot of things that I wanted to blog, and I mean really alot alot, just that I am sorta lazy and thats why it just keep dragging and dragging and dragging. Alot of things happened to me, especially between me and my gf. We quarrel till it reached an extent whereby we nearly broke up, I believe both me and her definitely do not want this to happen, I just hope the whole matter can be over soon and don't let it affect us. Its no use for you and her to keep quarrel or scolding each other, end up its not going to help either side. I am sorry that I am the root of the trouble, right now I just hope all the problems will be over soon.

Anyway, I Did a B2B camp last week for Kent and Jeremy Tang(his last camp), one was NUS high school year 1 and another was Innova JC J1 Adventure camp. I badly sprained my ankle right before the campfire for the NUS high camp, the stupid thing is that I actually sprain my ankle when I was teaching the students how to dance Xi Shua Shua, how dumb can that be.. -_-

But nevertheless I proceed on with the campfire and also next day the IJC camp. And guess what? Even though I left the NUS high camp on the second night, I was told that the teachers think my class was quite good and they actually won the Best class award in that camp!! haha.. *hope you guys will not forget instructor ah huat*

Anyway, even though I was injured, I wouldnt want to back out for that IJC camp because its Jeremy tang last camp, I don't think I will ever get a chance to do his camp anymore and I don't want to let this opportunity goes to waste. For the past few years, all Tang camp was very memorable to me, be its a 3d2n camp or just simply a day event, always got something happen. I can't imagine I nearly quitted camp HA because I put Tang aeroplane and put up a no-show for his day event. That time I wasn't even close to him at all and I was so afraid that I offended him and will get blacklisted! But luckily, end up he still got called me up and do camps etc and thats how my journey in Camp HA carry on.

• Tang is the first CIC that treat instructors pizza for supper in camp, two nights in a row somemore!
• The one and only CIC that allow us to play mj in JBAC!! how crazy is that?!
• My first tertiary camp in Camp HA is also under Tang, I still can remember is ITE Simei Bridge Leader camp at JBAC. It was fun, definitely.
• He is also the reason why I actually sign the exclusive contract for Camp HA even though I think now the contract like not much useful also.

When I think back all the memories we once shared and want to thank him for all the memories and stuff, I actually cried during the 2nd day debrief in IJC camp. Initially I thought I wouldn't cry for him because he is not as close to me as how andrew are, but still when I start to think my appreciation speech to him, I can't help but cried because he is going to leave Camp HA already.

So anyway, once again I would want to wish Tang all the best in his new job direction on a brand new career. With a great leader like him, I believe he can definitely survive in any job field and be part of the elite force in the job field. Take care bro.

MAKAN TIME!!



Time for bollywood dance? haha



why jun xiang look so fierce?!

Me and the birthday girl! Sweet 21st!

i m back, for good or for bad?!

Hello people! I am here to make a quick short update to my blog before I going for my B2B camp this week with NUS High and IJC. Hopefully this will be a fun fun week before I finally return back to my HELL ground again. :( Alot of things happen to me in the past few week or I should say I had kept myself damn packed for the past few weeks.

- Help Carolyn to do a 4D3N camp at Pulau Ubin. The beginning was quite bad and everyone was complaining about the camp, but luckily in the end everyone enjoyed and I bet it leave a ever lasting memories in their heart!

- Help Potato with his first camp of the year, it has been a long long time since I last work with this group of instructors. The feeling is great even thou there are some hiccups in the camp, hope potato has solve it by now.

- Do camp for Choa Chu Kang Sec 2, its the second time I am taking this school and I must say this school the student is really quite high by nature, last year and this year both equally high! I am glad to see that my class really bonded quite well together, they cried for each other during campfire because they know they going to be separate class the following year. I feel sad for them also but well...Life is this, only after separation and obstacles, people then will realize the importance of friendship and learn to cherish it.

- Still got camp for few other school like St Hilda's Pri and Nan Chiau Pri which I shall not go into details before my blog start to become boring...

Anyway, had a very big quarrel for with my gf for the past one week due to some reasons.. But thank god everything has been solved now and hopefully it will be peaceful from now onwards. Its hurtful and tiring to each other in this manner because it is spoiling our r/s, something that both of us do not want it to happen ya.. Oh ya, my gf lost her wallet ytd at yishun and we only realize it after a few hours! Went to make a police report for the lost wallet and I can tell you, I NOW FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHY MY FATHER DO NOT LIKE POLICE AT ALL!! The way they handle things is like so reluctantly and willing to do it, seriously don't understand why. Anyway, lucky my gf is lost her wallet at Northpoint Bata, the staff called her today and asked her to go collect her wallet.

Thats all I guess? Will update again when I m back from my B2B camp. Before I end this post, I just want to say its kinda sad that one by one everyone is leaving Camp HA. Andrew left last year, Jeremy tang and Eunice is going to leave like less then three weeks time? I can't imagine how Camp HA is going to survive when Jeremy and Eunice left the company, with the peak season coming up, can the company really cope with it? Sigh...