incredible me?

I am so amazed with myself! I can't believe I actually so 'on' until I walk home from Kranji Mrt station to Sembawang all alone, it took me a long freaking two hours to finally reach my house! By the time I reach back home, i already perspire like a dog and leg aching. Guess I am really turning old, just like what my gf been telling me. :(

I seriously miss riding my bike, having my own personal transport. I hate the feeling of catching the last train/bus, rushing here and there because I do not have my own personal transport! Its kinda a sucky feeling you know, somemore I been riding for like past 2-3 years? Catching last bus and mrt home everytime makes me feel so like secondary school days. haiz..but what can I do?

At the moment I am already down with so many debts. needless to say owning a bike at the moment, it will just add on to my current expenses and god knows how can I afford to have it. Went for Mojo birthday dinner on Saturday at Cathay Aston, follow by going over to Marina Square to find Andrew and cliques. Initially don't want to join neither group for dinner because thinking that eating with my gf somewhere will save money, after that zephyr told me Aston ain't too expensive afterall. After thinking for a while I decided to go for the dinner but well...guess what?! I spent nearly$30 on that meal ($23 on meal +$7 for present), end up spending unnecessary money again.. Zzzz



Candid shot -_-"

All the weirdos!

I am back to blogging!

Hello BLOGSPOT!

Its been ages since I last blog, can link back to about 3 to 4 years ago I think? Actually wanted to start blogging at the end of last year when my life is going through a tremendous changes, but I always did not carry out in the end as I am really too lazy and like to procrastinate alot. Then since I am facing insomnia right at the moment, I might as well just kickstart having a blog again.

Actually my insomnia started since few weeks back, every night before I sleep random thoughts just come to me to prevent me from sleeping peacefully. Currently I am having debts, and its really loads and loads of debts. It all started at the end of last year when my life is going really really down after ys broke off with me. I start to indulge in drinking, soccer betting and spending money aimlessly. Slowly whatever income that I earn last year from doing camps is depleted and more problems start to come. Family got money problems, I met with a motor accident and end up gotta scrapped my bike without taking any money back.

Soon I start to borrow money from friends to pay off the bills, expenses and family debts. And now, I find myself with loads of debts that I ownself do not know how am I going to clear it, I cant even face alot of my friends now, seriously. There is alot of my friend talking behind me at the moment, saying I owe money for so long and never return etc, haiz.. The problem is not I don't want to return, I just dont know where to find the money to return them at all. My monthly pay is only merely $500? Everytime when I manage to clear a debt from one friend, another friend will start to chase me for money. The cycle just go none-stop till I can really clear all the debts which can take like one year or even two year?

I must admit its my fault for making empty promises to them like I will return within a period of time and I exceed that period like way too over, so I dont blame them keep asking me for the money. And thats the reason why I been having insomnia for the past few weeks, every night keep thinking about the money problem till I cant sleep at all, only manage to fall aslp in the morning when my brain juice is really being squeezed out totally.

At the moment, I just hope I can come across a person that will be nice enough to loan me a large sum of money to let me clear all my debts straight away and I can pay that person bit by bit every month. It will be much better for me to get chased down by different friend every day, really. If I can across such a person, I really don't mind quit all my bad habbits like clubbing, drinking and gambling all these, it has cause me enough troubles for many years and the money i spent on it is already cant calculate anymore.

HELP!!!!!!!!

Sentosa + Steamboat

Busy Weekend

This past one week is a very very tiring week for me. Got outfield on Monday, SOC test and Guard duty on Wed, then outfield again on thurs Fri morning got morning PT. Sat whole day doing camp HA event, end up now totally shag out!

Yesterday event wa quite a very big scale event, I think got about 40 over instructors being involved in it. Alot of mis-planning and miscommunications, then end up instructors and chief they all having internal conflicts within themselve. Haiz, I was actually quite looking forward that you got do yesterday event, because two or three weeks never see you already, so thinking that you might do this event and hope I got a chance to see you. But well..once again, yu wasn't there. I guess every week I am just hoping for blank wishes.

Christmas is getting nearer and I am stuck at where I was two months back. Listening to the song "that thing you do", I realize the lyrics very match how I really feel now. "I tried and tried to let you go, but it just so hard to do". Hopefully there will be a chance of seeing you at next instructors gathering bah.

Cold Chilling Sunday

Weather has been really bad recently.. Rain, sunny, rain, sunny.. Guess my mood every weekend is just like the weather too ---> up, down, up, down.. My "project has been working on it ever since late September, till now so much still remain incomplete. The motivation for the project just come and go, somehow weird feeling but ya, hopefully it can be done before Christmas.

Many times when we contact friend that hasnt seen each other for long, we will always say something like catch up soon, maybe for a movie or for meal.. But when come to every weekend, the end results is always very big difference, I really wonder why...

This coming few weeks, weekend should be having the same kind of mentality I guess? Phy is having her, instructors are mostly busy with their respective stuff, mahjong also like not that interesting anymore. Am I able to take this for long?

Its been sometime since I last blog, wanted to post a new blog post before my operation but once again my laptop died on me, thus nowusing my brother's laptop to update my blog.

Just came back from my operation at NUH yesterday and yes! I am officially handicapped now.. Ah lam or ah huat can not longer run or walk normally for the next two to six month, haiz.. Till now I still do not know whether I make the correct decision of going for my operation at this period of time, being a burden to everyone around me, my friend, my family and my loved one.

When I was in hospital, I think about alot of things, people that really care for me and people that don't really give a shit about me. Alot of my friends will still at least sms, sent wishes all these before and after my operation, checking on how am I etc.. How bout you? I had stop msging you for one or so until last sunday I message you for inform you the dinner that I organized before my operation. Perhaps you are too attached to him that whatever things that happen to me now doesnt concern you at all. Is that what you mean by still able to remain as friend even after beak up? I believe if it was a outside friend of yours that is going for operation soon, you will at least sent some wishes to him or her for the operation.

Today Minsi come acc for the whole day, then Ren Xiaowei and Jer visited me today too. All of them bought me food and snacks, I feel so touched and really appreciate it. Perhaps like what everyone say, this is just a small operation for me as I am still alive and kicking, but simple operation like this can really make me feel who are the true friends, loved ones and people who really care about me. Thank you people. I will try my best to lead a new life, really trying.