It still hurts afterall..

I thought today was a good day coz I win some money here in mahjong, but never did I expect my mood can change from sky high to rock bottom when I go back my room. I went back my room and log into facebook, when I see that you are attached, my heart just sank to the bottom. I had never expect you to get attached so soon, its like less then 2 months you already got a new bf le...

Even thou for the past one month plus I didnt ask you for patch up or what, but I just feel like slapping myself when I know that you are attached now. I guess the feeling of seeing a ex gf getting attached really suck big time, especially when it is like just happen so recent only. Everyday I log onto facebook, i never fail to check ur page to check that you are doing ok etc, and the last thing I hope to see is that you got a new bf.. Can say I am selfish/evil/mean or what, but I just praying that at least you won't get a new bf so soon, I don't know how to accept the news, really...

The feeling is really different now, my whole body is like feeling numb and I just feel like hiding in one corner calm myself down... I can't believe myself untill now, I still save your number in my hp as dear, it sound silly but ya... I guess people really move on as time passes by, too bad I am really a sucker that always get emotional over relationship that has already ended.

Back again!

hey! I m back at the hospital for another 9 days for the second period of my medicine study! The 5 days that I get to spent outside passed so fast and a blink of an eye I m back here at the same place to stuck for another 9 days, hopefully this 9 days can pass as fast as the previous period stay in.

Today wake up quite early in the morning went for breakfast then head to ECP to "help-out" in alex day event. Not a must to go down but I still decided to go down because next week I m the in-charge for one of the days, so need to roughly know how is the whole thing being run etc.. But well..I went down a alittle too late, even thou I still managed to spent about 2hrs at east coast, but I missed out the most important part which is briefing the participants etc.. Hope I don't screw up on the day that I work..!

Alot of plans is going through my mind everyday and mainly is in terms of working, managing my finance etc.. I had already cut down on my gambling already, I mean seriously cut down alot.. I am slowly learning to refrain myself from gambling and even if I really gamble, I limit myself to a certain and stick with it... I just wish that when december come, my finance will be so much better then now..

Last night!

Today is finally the last night of the 9days stay-in for period 1!! The past one week plus has been staying at the hospital doing nothing much, everyday can only crave to go out and enjoy when the 9days stay-in ended.. I seriously need sun to make me feel healthier and less sinful, and another important is that I miss my son Lam nua! haha.. Still considering whether to bring my son for the next 3 period stay-in anot..

Hmm..everyday I see you online, it makes me feel like talking to you yet I do not know how should I bring myself to talk to you. Like a usual bad habbit of me, alot of times I regretted not cherishing something when it is no longer in my possession anymore, it has been a bad habbit since two years ago and untill now I still facing the same problem. Many times we always wish that we could rewind the time back, thinking how can we improve the situation back then, not making silly mistakes and stuff... but haiz...its easy to say but it is always too late to regret it..

When you first entered NUS that time, many of my friend asked me, "hey your gf now in NUS, are you scared of her running away with another guy?", at that time I will always jokingly say that its not impossible coz I know how much you love me even thou I have difficulty gaining your trust back again, but never did I expected 2months after you start school, we have already broke off, thou I know its all mainly my fault and you have never done anything wrong to me. I guess many things really can happened in a few months time, be it good or bad...

It's my loss not to have you as my gf anymore and I can't stop feeling guilty/sinful on and off when I am alone, thinking how I disappoint you time and time again... One year 5months definitely mean something to me, even thou I didnt cherish it as much as you do, but defintiely it leave a deep impact in me also.. Until now, I still misses u at times, really.. Whenever I miss you, I can only look at my son and smile silly to it.. It sound stupid but ya, it will just make me feel better when I hug lam nua.. I don't know how are you coping with the break up till now, hopefully I am able to get over it soon bah..

With a loss comes a gain also, at least now I can really work all the way I want without worrying much since alot of my friends has already left me, I got so much time now for me to work and reach my target of clearing all my debts away.. At the same time I m also trying to quit gambling in soccer untill I m in a better financial state.. So please pray that I am able carry on stop gambling!

Hectic October!

-_-"


Taken in the hospital!

I am currently in another medicine study again!! Tonight is the second last night before I get discharged from the hospital after staying for like 7days already? Luckily this 9 days stay-in passed much faster then I expected, so much better then my previous study which is 16 days long.. ZZzzz.. But well, I still got 3 more period of this 9 days stay-in to go, god bless me ar..

hmm..I think this month and next month I seriously planned my schedule untill very packed, I am either working or having something almost every single day, using my target as a motivation to push myself to work whenever I got free time. Actually there is nothing much bad about staying in here, can seriously save alot of $$$ on meals and also get paid while doing nothing! But well, with advantage come disadvantage also, gotta keep eating the same food every other day and also can't exercize at all (not that I exercize much when I am outside but still!).. I feel alittle unhealthy staying in a aircon room 24/7 for so many days..

Anyway wed I am able to go out already, hopefully I am able to find some motivation for me to go exercize when I am out before I come back for next study again! I decided to give myself two months to slim down 10kg, hopefully I can achieve it..

what happen when crazy instructors stayover!

Below are some of the photos that what crazy people (instructors!) can do when they are bored..

This is only the beginning..


Look at danson face



-_-




The end of a overnight crazy mahjong!

Guess what is inside and which poor fellow gotta drink it?! ya, thats right, i m the poor fellow.. ZzZz

memories..

laptop back alive and kicking!

I finally get my laptop back in working condition again after being down for one month plus I think?

Currently now at Raffles hospital now doing my second medicine study, today is only the first day of a 9 days stay-in, this process is going to repeat for 3 more times and this will stretch all the way till end of November. Luckily the money is awesomely good, which make it worthwhile to stay in, I don't think I am able to find any other jobs that pay as well as this, like seriously.

For the month of Oct and Nov, I am going to be a super workaholics, my working days is already very packed, Oct only left like 1 or 2 days free and I still trying to squeeze more work days into November. Hopefully by December I am able to clear away some debts that I seriously owed for damn long.

hmm..recently I keep going NUS for work, not any other places but specifically NUS business school that side, spending like more then 5hrs everytime I am there. Seriously I dont know is because I am not wearing my lens or what, every girl that I saw wearing the NUS business school t-shirt look like you, it is really everywhere and anywhere within that business school area. Even thou we broke up like nearly a month ago, many places I go I will still think of you and even hoping that I might get to see you there. I don't ask for much, even see you for a short while talk a little bit, I think it will make my heart feel better also. Now every night when I am at home, I am seriously hugging lam nua to sleep every night, I think that is one of the best gift I ever received, it seriously brighten up my mood everytime I see it. Sometime even thou this sound retarded, I will still talk to lam nua just like how we used to play with it. I think one of these days, I am considering to even bring lam nua to do campsite with me and hug it to sleep at night, haha...

Oh well..like what people always say, all good things must come to an end, I don't know how is life for you after we broke up, from your facebook I only can tell that you are still very busy with your school work, hopefully in time to come you are able to manage it better and have more free time for urself. Don't every weekend only use it to do your tutorial and nothing else, like that is not leading a balance life already. Once again, I am sorry for all the unhappiness that I brought to you for the past one year plus, maybe you are right, the way I treat you is even worse then how max treat you in the past, at least he didnt hurt you as often as I do.. Sorry, I am just not good enough for you.